Murphy's Law of Deployment

Murphy's Law states that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong, and usually at the worst possible time (but really, when is a good time for things to go wrong?). I'm not sure who Murphy was, but I'd bet he was a military spouse during deployment, because when your spouse deploys, the Universe is like, "Oh hey! We haven't paid you much attention lately. Let us correct that. Now. Here's all the things in life that will make you scream. Enjoy!"

It's inevitable. Sometimes, the negativity starts immediately upon your spouse's departure. I remember back in 2017, I dropped my husband off at the airport for a 2 1/2 month training program that my husband was attending. It was a Saturday, my mother was visiting me and the kids (I only had 3 kids at that time...those were the days...) anyway, later that afternoon we had my oldest son's soccer game. About two hours after dropping my husband at the airport, I stepped out onto the front porch just in time to watch my oldest take a bad tumble from his electric scooter. He jumped up and I immediately called out, "You're okay, you're okay" to help him NOT over-react. Five seconds after he got up he bends over and starts crying. I told him to come to me, to let me see...but even as he started to walk towards me holding his arm up, I could already see. His pinky was not in a place it should be.

I ran inside, told my mom to watch the little ones because I needed to take my oldest to urgent care because he broke his finger. No big deal right?...it's a pinky...they just tape broken fingers to each other and let them heal...right? Well, hours and a soft cast later, we confirmed it had indeed broken and we needed to follow up with an orthopedist that following week. When we followed up...days later mind you...his pinky had already set...in the wrong spot. So in the weeks that followed, we saw specialists where we planned for him to have surgery in order to re-break his pinky and set it with pins, followed by weeks of a hard cast to have it set correctly.

Oh the joy. Of course I didn't tell my husband, any of it, because what could he do? Nothing. And this training was something that he had been studying for for months and was SO stressed out about that I was not going to have him worry over our son on top of everything. So I dealt with it all myself, and the help of my mother-in-law who came for the surgery for support as well. All went as well as could be hoped for and we had some cool x-rays to show my husband upon his return.

For our family, Murphy's Law of Deployment usually takes the form of ER visits and car trouble. This most current deployment had us in the ER the day after my husband left. My youngest daughter has an NG feeding tube as she cannot/will not eat by mouth. When the tube is pulled out, or needs to be changed for a clean one, we need to go to the hospital. They feed the tube through her nose and into her stomach, then we need to take an x-ray to make sure that the tube end is in the right spot in her stomach before she can be fed. The process usually takes about 3 hours because her hospital is an hour away, then it takes about an hour for the placement and x-ray, followed by an hour ride home. She's on a strict feeding schedule as she is also failure to thrive and needs to have a certain amount of calories per day. So...if her feeding tube is pulled out at an unplanned time...it's a major wrench in our day.

The day after my husband deployed, we had my middle son's soccer practice. We got to the park early so the kids could play for a bit before it started, and I set up the baby's feeding bag and pump. Once I had her set up to eat, I started to push the stroller towards the swings because my older daughter wanted me to push her. Well...I did not realize that as I pushed the stroller, the long feeding tube had loosened and was hanging down low enough to start winding around the reflector on the tire and when it got tight enough, it started pulling my daughter's tube out. I heard her start to cry, stopped the stroller and came around to see what was wrong and I saw her tube almost entirely out of her nose. I rushed to stop the feed and pull it out the rest of the way...and packed up all the kids and headed to the ER. Visit #1.

ER visit #2 came in January. My husband is amazingly allergic to poison ivy. Well, the vine didn't crawl far from the tree because when my oldest came in contact with poison oak (apparently it's everywhere that isn't pavement here in our neighborhood) and reacted...badly. At first he just had some red spots on his face that he was scratching at. So we put some lotion on and I told him to stay out of the wood/grassy areas. But, like any 13 year old, he didn't listen. The next night when he came in from playing with his friends, I could immediately tell that the spots on his face were larger and starting to swell. I gave him some allergy medicine and told him we'd see how it was in the morning. Well...in the morning...it was ER time. Steroids and weeks of itchiness followed. He learned his lesson.

He did not learn his lesson. Month number 3 of my husband's deployment brought on more poison oak. This time, on my 6 year old, who followed his older brother through the brush and bushes and leaves of poison. My oldest got away with it mostly on his arms and chest area this time so although super itchy, nothing severe enough to warrant another hospital visit for him...but my 6 year old? He woke up on the third day looking like Rocky Balboa after he'd gone 13 rounds with the champ. So...back to the ER I went. Three and a half hours later, we had steroids and allergy medicine.

When we stepped outside, it was raining. We live in Southern California...it NEVER rains. But it was raining, and as we started walking to the car, it started raining harder. We were thoroughly wet when we finally got in the car and my son told me I should have parked closer. Thanks for the advice kid, I'll remember that next time. Of course as soon as we got in the car, the clouds parted and the sun came out. Figured.

After we left the hospital, we stopped at the commissary because we were both STARVING, so we bought chips and a treat for each of us (I chose peanut butter M&Ms and he grabbed some sour patch kids) as a reward for the whole mess. Neither of us had had breakfast before we went to the hospital and as a result, we ate the entire bag...the WHOLE bag of chips...including the bag of peanut M&Ms...in under 20 minutes. It's amazing what a little salt and chocolate will do for a mood though.

I have averaged 1 ER visit a month since my husband deployed. My husband's two cars have broken down on me a total of three times when I tried to drive them to make sure that they didn't sit for the months on end that he'd be gone, leading them to break down when he came home and HE tried to drive them. Even though he was driving both of the cars, every day, leading up to his deployment, they were fine...every.single.time. But for me? For me...they just couldn't wait to not start, break down, click...cough...kerplunk.

One of the times I had to call a tow truck, which meant I had to escort them on base to get to the car where it broke down. I left base to turn around and go back through the gate to do that, but when I reached for my wallet, I realized I had my son's wallet and mine was NOT IN THE CAR! You cannot get on base without an ID, period. So, I had to call my neighbor to come escort me on so that I could in turn escort the tow truck on. I explained all that to the gate guard, and I pulled over to the side to wait. My daughter took that time to inform me that she was playing with my wallet earlier and put it in my clothes hamper in my bedroom. Seriously?! But where would the fun be in things running smoothly, right?

We are halfway through the deployment, give or take a month or two. Three ER visits...three breakdowns...I'd say if we looked at the law of averages, I have about three more ER visits and three more breakdowns to go. However...since Murphy is involved...all bets are off.